Hey y’all, let’s talk about self-care for a minute.
So, we hear a lot about self-care these days, and it’s important, right? But there’s this question that keeps coming up: When does self-care become selfish?
Self-care is something we all need
Okay, so let’s get into it!
Self-care is something we all need, especially in today’s world where everything moves fast and the pressure to constantly be on is real. As a 29-year-old woman in this space, I’ve had to learn what it means to take care of myself—without falling into the trap of selfi shness.
We’ve all been there, right? You’re juggling work, school, relationships, social media, family expectations—basically trying to live up to a million things that demand your attention. And honestly? It’s draining. So, self-care becomes this buzzword we see everywhere—on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, everywhere. It’s all about saying, “Yo, I need a break. I need to focus on me for a bit.”
And don’t get me wrong, that’s necessary. Especially for women of color who often have to put themselves last in the face of societal pressures, systemic challenges, and the emotional labor we carry in both professional and personal spaces. It’s easy to forget that our own mental and emotional health is important too, because we’re so busy lifting everyone else up.
But here’s where it gets tricky—
Sometimes, we take the concept of “me time” and twist it into something that’s more about isolation than healing. When self-care becomes a way to shut everyone out, avoid responsibilities, or neglect the needs of the people you care about, it can start to feel more like selfi shness than self-preservation.
I know it’s tempting to say, “I just need to focus on myself right now,” and block out everything else. Trust me, I’ve been there. But here’s the thing: self-care is not about being a recluse or abandoning your loved ones when they need you the most. It’s not about pulling the “I’m taking a break from everything and everyone” card just because you’re overwhelmed. True self-care is about setting boundaries—not building walls.
Take time to recharge, absolutely. But also remember that showing up for your people is part of caring for yourself, too. It’s about balancing the moments when you need to retreat for peace, with the times when you need to show up, even when it feels tough. Self-care should empower you to be there for others, not keep you from them. When you truly take to care of yourself, you have the energy to care for your family, friends, and your community. We are stronger when we’re connected, not isolated.
Taking Care of Yourself is NOT Selfish.
Another thing is—self-care doesn’t always look like bubble baths, face masks, and spa days. Sometimes, it’s having tough conversations, setting boundaries with people who drain you, and being honest about your needs. It’s taking a walk outside to clear your mind, saying “no” when you need to, and asking for help when you’re struggling. It’s recognizing when you’re pushing yourself too hard and making time to breathe. It’s building practices that nourish your soul, mind, and body.
And here’s where I’ll get real: taking care of yourself is NOT selfish. The world will try to tell you that it is—especially when you take time for you. But self-care is necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re always giving and never replenishing, you’ll burn out, and who’s gonna take care of you then? So, you have to fill your cup before you can pour into others. But that doesn’t mean neglecting your responsibilities or hurting those around you in the process.
True self-care is about balance. It’s about knowing when to step back, but also knowing when to show up. It’s about taking care of yourself so that you can be there for your people when they need you, too. It’s not selfish to take the space you need to recharge, but it’s selfish when that space turns into a way of avoiding the world around you.
So, if you’re questioning whether you’re being selfi sh with your self-care, ask yourself this: Am I still showing up for the people who need me? Am I taking care of my mental health while also maintaining the relationships that matter to me? If you’re checking in with yourself and staying true to what you need, you’re on the right path. But don’t let your self-care turn into a shield that keeps you from the connections that give you life.
